What is that saying?

I'm pretty sure there is a saying that goes something like this.."If you don't have something nice to say, say nothing at all." I know I should stick with it but then this entry would be two sentences. Instead, I'm going to say some not so nice things about members of my family and write a really long entry, just so that I can make myself feel better :)

It has turned into one of "those" weeks for me. My cold is dragging on into its 5th day. And, while I am not feeling like I need to be parked on the couch, I am tired of feeling like I need to wipe my nose every other minute or cough up a lung. Wes seems to have turned the corner and is feeling better, but poor Connor has a nose that will not stop needing wiped!

I passed up a Girl's Night Out with my friend Heather yesterday because I just didn't feel up to it. I hope to see her Saturday evening instead.

That brings me to my crazy family. Not my kids/husband family, but my they-gave-birth-to-me-and-raised-me-so-they-feel-obligated-to-give-advise-and-suggest-what-to-do-with-my-life family. My Mom just spent her annual few days in Florida with my Grandma. Now mind you, my neurotic Mother doesn't like to fly, hates being hot and can only eat fat free boring food, so traveling isn't really her cup of tea. She goes every year to say she visited her mother in Florida during her 6 months of winter hiatus and check up on her. I actually love traveling, enjoy spending time with my Grandmother and look forward to Florida every year.

However, flying our family of 4 to Florida has become an expensive little family vacation. We have lucked out the past few years by being able to travel when we wanted to and also taking advantage of some cheap airfare. We now have a kindergartner, which means we can only travel during spring break and can only fly on weekends during the same week EVERY family in America has spring break. Here is the point. Airfare is outrageous and we can't afford to go. We have a ton of things that need taken care of around our house and since everything costs money, something has to give.

Here is where my Mother comes in. While she says that both her and my Grandmother understand why we can't go, the guilt trip upon me has become intense. We suggested renting a small SUV and driving (we can't put the mileage on our leased Buick Rendezvous) if maybe my Grandmother could help pull a Silpada party together down there. It would help me pay for the rental, gas and motels for the drive down and offset some expenses of our vacation. She doesn't want to do a party. Which puts us right back to not going.

And, drum roll here....I'm the bad guy. I'm putting money and upkeep of our home ahead of importance of spending time with my Grandma. Yeah, I feel like shit about that, but I have a family of my own, bills to pay and a nice home to maintain. I'm an adult now and I have to make decisions that put the financial well being of our family first. Of course the boys want to go, they love going down there, and I want to go to...but we can't afford $1200 in airfare! That is just ridiculous!

Now I'm the bad guy. I have always and will continue to put family first. I am the one who has always made sure my Grandma is okay without nagging her and spying on her...like my Mother does. For years I was the only one in the family who even went down to visit her and my Grandpa (while he was still with us). And, I am the only one in the family who actually wants to go camping with my crazy 79 year old Grandma when she comes back to Michigan in the Spring. I'm the only grandchild, so I do feel like I have a responsibility to her.

I already feel bad about letting my boys down and disappointing my Grandma, so I didn't need the guilt trip from my Manic-Mom! I need to let it go, move on and except the fact that we will not be traveling to Florida. But, I can't let it go...maybe I should just go by myself for a couple of days to visit her. Then I would feel guilty leaving the boys behind. How does that look to a 6 and a 3 year old? Sorry boys, I know you want to go really bad but mommy is just going to go by herself without you...oh, and while I'm gone, you just take care of yourselves while daddy is at work. Yeah, that will work! Not!

I know that no one out there is reading this, and if you are, damn I feel sorry for you...get a life and move on. But, writing it all down has helped me realize that I can't go, my immediate family comes first and the rest of my family is out of line!